i could of

i love this photo by celine and i love her blog. its just so calming and peaceful. {both the photo and her blog} i imagine her with a soft, delicate voice and personality to match. so unlike mine.

ok, i can stop holding my breath. ham took the car to school for the first time today. "please no phone calls. please no phone calls" goes through my mind each and every time he goes out the door.

yesterday i could of ran away. after picking up kaylee from school and telling her no to ice cream because she just had a cupcake at school started the whining session. then it moved on to having dirt on her feet while we were waiting to pick ham up from school. then on the way home, while waiting for trains and traffic caused ham to complain about driving his car and what a pain in the butt its going to be which caused me to yell at him telling him it would be nice to hear him be grateful for once. then i got mad at myself because at that moment i realized what kind of an example i was being. i went and apologized to ham for yelling and told him after awhile he might like it because he will have gotten use to it and think nothing of it. {he wanted a manual but to be corrected he wanted a manual for that certain car he was looking at, not for all cars}

i was sad for the rest of the night. i just want him to be happy. and for him to love his mama.